"God, please, just Get Me!"

Psalm 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the Lord, and He inclined His ear to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay and set my feet upon a rock, making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to God. Many shall see it and shall fear and shall trust in the Lord".


Several years ago, on a Sunday morning, I was walking down our stairs. I had been getting ready for church, so I was wearing high heeled shoes and my arms were full. As I came within about 6 stairs from the bottom, I began to fall. My husband and one of my sons were at the bottom. They watched me as I tried to catch myself, not quite knowing what to do. It became apparent to ME that I was not going to be able to catch myself, but that this was NOT apparent to my guys at the bottom. So I just cried out -- "Get me!". Of course they did , and my little disaster was averted.

I promptly forgot all about that morning until one day a pastor we know was preaching and recounted a story about a youth camp where he had been sharing and the youth pastor drowned during the camp. He described a young man under some waterfalls and asked the "if that happened today, where would you be?" question. But all that I saw in my mind's eye was this young man, under the pressure of the waterfall, helpless from having hit his head, and it brought tears to my eyes as I asked, "Why God, didn't You just "get him?".

I immediately knew why it struck me so. In my own way, I had asked God repeatedly, over the several years previous to that, to "get" me. I don't mean "get me" as in take me to Heaven. I mean in the sense that He rescue me, be near me, comfort me.

"God requires belief and trust in moments of human weakness, but faith is what makes us strong."

From the time I was a child, I had a gift of faith. I didn't have to choose faith, it was just there for me. Not that I didn't sometimes need to choose to follow God, or make right choices, but I never doubted if what Jesus said was real. I had happily lived my life, feeling the Tangible Presence of God with me, pretty much at all times. And I did not take it for granted. I knew about so many people who struggled with their faith, and I was grateful that I didn't face that struggle myself.

In 1998, a couple weeks after the loss of our baby boy about halfway through my pregnancy, in one moment of time, I went from a state of unquestionable faith to utter despair. For the first time in my life, I wasn't so sure it was all true. I desperately wanted our baby back, yet the greater grief that consumed me was my loss of innocence and the subsequent loss of the gift of faith I treasured so dearly. That Tangible Presence was no longer tangible. God promised us in Psalms that He is near to the brokenhearted so I wanted to believe He was, but I could no longer feel Him.


As the weeks and months went by, then turned into years, I prayed so many times that God would again make Himself real to me in a tangible way. Everything seemed so futile, without purpose and very temporary. I would beg him as if I were a little girl. "God, it would be so little effort on Your part, if You are really there, can't you PLEASE let me feel You again?". One time I was soaking in our bathtub and crying. Out of desperation I prayed the dumbest prayer I have ever prayed. I just said "God, PLEASE be there!". I wondered if there was a lesson He wanted me to learn. But then I would think of my own children. I'd think about the fact that if they got hurt and were begging for me to help them, I couldn't think of a lesson I'd want them to learn that would be more valuable than "mommy's here". How much more would God want me to feel that from Him? I just couldn't understand. So my decision had to be made. Was it all real or wasn't it? My new life of choosing faith had begun.

I prayed on more than one occassion that I'd see a demon. I figured if there was anything spiritual at all, there must be something after this life. And, if there was a hereafter, I had no problem believing that it was as Jesus said. I went into the bookstore looking for books about people who had near death experiences. I briefly headed toward the "new age" area where I could read about ghosts and seances, etc., but "something" made me stay away.

"We do not believe in immortality because we have proved it, but we are forever trying to prove it because we believe in it". ~ James Martineau


I think something in me knew all along, because I would quote scriptures I had memorized from the time I was a child. I was so grateful I'd been encouraged, and sometimes forced, to memorize different passages. When I think of it, it drives home how important it is for us to have our children have it constantly be sowed into them.

It was during this time that the Lord really brought to mind the verses at the opening of this post. They kept coming back, washing over me time and again. I began to read it and quote it as if it were my biography. My life from Then until The End. Okay, Lord, I will take it one step at a time.

1~ I waited patiently for the Lord
2~ He inclined His ear to me
3~ And heard my cry
4~ He brought me up out of the pit of destruction
5~ Out of the miry clay
6~ He set my feet upon a rock
7~ Making my footsteps firm
8~ He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to God
9~ Many will see it and will fear and will trust in the Lord

Lord, let it be so...


This post is becoming way too long. Soon I will lose your attention, if I haven't already. I'm certain I will post about this again. I'd love to hear from you if you want to talk about it or if you are struggling, so I can encourage you.

If you have ever walked the path of grief, or the Dark Night of the Soul, or if you are walking it now, do not lose heart. It's okay. God says that our faith will be tested. Choose faith. Every moment. When you don't feel like you can, ask Him for more faith.

James 1:2-5 My brethren, count it all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance, and let endurance have it's perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

If you'd like to read more about faith, there are some great studies at these links:
http://www.acts17-11.com/faith.html
http://www.bible-knowledge.com/What-is-faith.html
http://www.bible.org/page.php?page_id=1561

Also, read The Case For Faith by Lee Strobel