Don't Blame Me

This morning, in the wee hours when my sick little one was asleep on my chest and I was unable to sleep, I was watching a reality show that highlights people who are traveling via air, bits of their stories, and (mostly) challenges with the airlines. As I watched the scenes being played out, I noticed an common thread -- lack of personal responsibility.

Sometimes an airline has done something wrong. We all know they overbook flights. And they have lost a lotttt of luggage! Yes, these things do happen. But usually the problems, on this show at least, seemed to arise out of the traveler's own mistake or neglect.

One such man, with 10 minutes before the plane was to leave, thought he had time to go smoke a cigarette. But when he came back his flight had departed. His 12 year old son was scheduled for surgery the next day and there were no more flights out that night. His parting words to the airline personnel were "Thanks alot, hopefully my son doesn't die from anesthesia".

Maybe he felt guilty that his addiction was more important than getting home to his child.

Another man had been sitting at the gate and became deeply engrossed in the paper he was reading. Somehow he missed every warning and boarding call -- and then missed the flight all together. Personally, I wonder if he also went to smoke or get a "beverage". He tried to argue that the announcements were not loud enough -- even though no one else had been left behind. He said, "Don't you think it is pretty fundamental that people need to actually be able to hear when they are supposed to board?".

Maybe he felt stupid that he had missed his flight for no good reason. Or was afraid he would have to pay for another ticket so wanted to make it someone else's fault.

Not long ago, I politely, even sort of lightheartedly so as not to make him uncomfortable, asked a young man if a series of necessary meetings relating to my kids had yet been scheduled. He was in charge and I had reminded him several times already but the time was getting short and still no word of any plans. He had already failed to come through on a series of things he had said he would do - so this was just one in a long list. And he always seemed to have an excuse that got him off the hook and implicated someone else.

This particular time he shrugged and said "my bad" in a dismissive "oh well" sort of a way.

Admitting (sort of) but not making it right.

I have heard alot of sympathy recently for people whose homes are being foreclosed on due to the fact that their payments are too high. And I hear blame being given to the lenders that gave the loans. The consumers are trying to blame the lenders who gave them the loans for the fact that they cannot make their payments. Yet they, too, deserve blame for the situation they find themselves in. My husband and I have always been approved for way more than we can afford when buying a house. It is a simple matter of figuring out a little math. The corporation is now suffering because of their lack of discretion and so is the consumer -- both self inflicted!

This is such a prevalent thing in our society. It almost seems as if it is not only accepted, but we make excuses for each other so no one has to be "to blame"!

Several years ago I was at a retreat. The person leading the lesson talked for awhile, then we were to pair up with a predetermined buddy and go over a list of items of possible things we were doing (or not doing) in our lives that could harm us, and we were to rate ourselves, then discuss it with our buddy.

There was something on there about honesty. Something about the way it was worded made me realize that there were some things I did that were not totally honest. Things I didn't mean to lie about but that were not full of Grace and Truth. For example, I am running maybe 10 minutes late to a meeting somewhere. Then I come to some road work and have to wait 2 minutes. I arrive at my destination and say how sorry I am for being (15 minutes) late, but explain in a dismissive way about the road work. Of course I never shared that the road work only delayed me by 2 minutes!

Someone else to blame for my own shortcomings. No I am not free of guilt in this myself. Yet I do not EVER want to allow it to take root in me.

I certainly do not want to raise children who do not accept responsibility for their actions. Better a stone to be tied around my neck and be thrown into the sea than to teach this to - or accept this from - my children.

Thanks God for the reminder. Sometimes I don't even see it myself! Please reveal to me when I am not accepting responsibilty for my own actions.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.