Purposeful Parenting: The Timer Method

Being given time to emotionally prepare for what’s next gives a child a chance

to bring an activity to a logical conclusion and be ready to move on.

A handful of times recently, I have been asked about child training for various situations (naptime, whining for attention, and sitting nicely in a carseat) where my advice for each of them included using a timer. Since the Timer Method can be so helpful, I thought I'd share it here.

Depending on the age of the child, you can employ The Timer Method for help in training your little ones (or not so little ones) a wide variety of habits. For this method, you should purchase a kitchen timer that ticks and, when time runs out, gives a satisfying DING. There are all sorts of fun character timers out there if you want something specific. Mine is a simple orange dial kitchen timer from the 70s that I bought at an estate sale for a buck (but I’d sure love to have one like the turquoise one I added above!).
An older child may enjoy watching the sands in the hourglass pass through. If you choose this type of timer, based on my personal experience with a huge glass hourglass getting knocked off of our mantle, I recommend plastic!

You should use, and play all sorts of games with the timer so your little lamb can begin to realize the timer will go off shortly. “Mommy is going to read with you for five minutes. When the timer goes off, we will go get a snack”. Mommy sets timer for five minutes, reads to lambie poo and, when timer goes off, they go get a small snack. “We are going to sit nicely at the table with our snack for four minutes, then you may play with your blocks while Mommy checks email for ten minutes, then it will be outside time”. So on and so forth, until that sweet one has had a chance to understand how the timer works.

As an example, The Whiner who whines for mommy’s attention: Many times whining for attention stems from a task-oriented mommy not giving the child quality time to count on but, instead, plugs him into TV, tells him to play and leaves him to entertain himself, or is constantly hushing him while she is on the phone or having coffee with a friend.

By using the Timer Method, you can set specific times when your child knows you will be 100% his. “When the timer goes off in 10 minutes, Mommy is going to play with play-dough with you for 30 minutes”. Once your child is aware of what that means, he is much more likely to wait patiently and not feel the need to whine to get your attention.

I find that I am often the one who benefits most from the timer, as I can easily loose track of time when I am busy. I sure don’t want my children to be taught that they can’t count on my words! They need to understand that I mean what I say.

Using a timer and teaching your little one the concept of time has many practical benefits. It is a tangible way your child can be reassured by having a boundary, and can also learn cause and effect. It is worth the investment!