Let's Talk About Grief: Anniversaries Can Be Hard

One year, ten years -- it doesn't matter how long. Once a loved one is gone, they are always gone. And their memory is a part of who we are. So anniversaries are often hard. It can be the anniversary of a birthday, a wedding anniversary, the anniversary of a special time spent together ... or the anniversary of their death. That is why I write today.

Seven Years. I don't think any American hears the numbers 911 or 9-11 without remembering. And when we remember those who died, in sympathy we think of those who knew them. Those who walked along beside them and were witnesses to their lives. Those who loved them and were loved by them. And our hearts are squeezed anew with sadness.

I think of so many others who are suffering on this day because of the war that ensued. Lives have been valiantly given. Many people have paid the price, either by giving their life or by the loss of a loved one who courageously paid that price.

And I think of people who have recently lost loved ones and grief is fresh. A sweet young mother in our church died unexpectedly this week. She has a husband and an 8 year old daughter. Heartbreaking. Heart rending. Raw grief.

There are those of us who are further along in grief, yet still have aching hearts, and who yearn for that someone who is not here. Every day can bring memories, every year more anniversaries. Once you have grieved, truly grieved, you are never the same.

This is the human condition, yet not a condition we were created for. I don't personally believe death is natural. That is why we struggle with it so. We were not created unto death, but unto life. And one day there will be no more death. No more death of our bodies and no more death of hopes and dreams and expectations.

For each of these griefs we can turn to the Bible for comfort. There is so much there that sustains. When we lost our baby boy in 1998 I turned to it often. I was so grateful for the passages I had "hidden in my heart". And I read alot of books whose authors pointed me toward that Source, and who made so many of the words and concepts more understandable.

"Here we will attempt to show that God is dependable in grief always - no matter what causes it - and that once we accept the loss there is a chance for participation in healing for the stricken person left behind.

Are you rebelling already at that word accept? To accept the irrevocable fact that a loved one is gone, whether by natural death, desertion, divorce, suicide, or accident is the first necessity. But in the early hours of our journey through any darkness,true acceptance is often impossible. You will say "You don't need to remind me that my loved one is gone. It hurts to breathe." But true acceptance does not stop with mere acknowledgment of the fact. True acceptance, when one is counting on God's redemption of grief, includes our agreement to join God in bringing an end to our night of weeping. And you who grieve, only you, will know when the moment comes that you feel you can begin to participate with Him." ~Eugenia Price

We are all today, in our collective grief, remembering. May we be comforted as we comfort one another. And if you are weeping today in your personal pain, I pray you too will find comfort and solace. Let us all reach out in love and compassion. We never know who is sitting right next to us with an aching heart.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be abel to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with whcih we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds in Christ." 2 Cor. 1:3-5