Purposeful Parenting: The Timer Method

Being given time to emotionally prepare for what’s next gives a child a chance

to bring an activity to a logical conclusion and be ready to move on.

A handful of times recently, I have been asked about child training for various situations (naptime, whining for attention, and sitting nicely in a carseat) where my advice for each of them included using a timer. Since the Timer Method can be so helpful, I thought I'd share it here.

Depending on the age of the child, you can employ The Timer Method for help in training your little ones (or not so little ones) a wide variety of habits. For this method, you should purchase a kitchen timer that ticks and, when time runs out, gives a satisfying DING. There are all sorts of fun character timers out there if you want something specific. Mine is a simple orange dial kitchen timer from the 70s that I bought at an estate sale for a buck (but I’d sure love to have one like the turquoise one I added above!).
An older child may enjoy watching the sands in the hourglass pass through. If you choose this type of timer, based on my personal experience with a huge glass hourglass getting knocked off of our mantle, I recommend plastic!

You should use, and play all sorts of games with the timer so your little lamb can begin to realize the timer will go off shortly. “Mommy is going to read with you for five minutes. When the timer goes off, we will go get a snack”. Mommy sets timer for five minutes, reads to lambie poo and, when timer goes off, they go get a small snack. “We are going to sit nicely at the table with our snack for four minutes, then you may play with your blocks while Mommy checks email for ten minutes, then it will be outside time”. So on and so forth, until that sweet one has had a chance to understand how the timer works.

As an example, The Whiner who whines for mommy’s attention: Many times whining for attention stems from a task-oriented mommy not giving the child quality time to count on but, instead, plugs him into TV, tells him to play and leaves him to entertain himself, or is constantly hushing him while she is on the phone or having coffee with a friend.

By using the Timer Method, you can set specific times when your child knows you will be 100% his. “When the timer goes off in 10 minutes, Mommy is going to play with play-dough with you for 30 minutes”. Once your child is aware of what that means, he is much more likely to wait patiently and not feel the need to whine to get your attention.

I find that I am often the one who benefits most from the timer, as I can easily loose track of time when I am busy. I sure don’t want my children to be taught that they can’t count on my words! They need to understand that I mean what I say.

Using a timer and teaching your little one the concept of time has many practical benefits. It is a tangible way your child can be reassured by having a boundary, and can also learn cause and effect. It is worth the investment!

Most Important

Reminder to self:

“…Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:42

I love homeschooling. It has worked well for our family, which is why we have stuck with it for so long.

When I count all of the hours we’d be in the car, running here and there, doing homework, etc. I think parents who have their kids in traditional school probably spend as much, or close to as much time, as I do, on school! Not to mention, some (probable) stranger would get the honor of spending all of that time with my kids -- and I’d miss out.

But this school year, and the prep leading up to it, this “seasoned” homeschool mom has been befuddled and bewildered.

Reevaluating.

Having to choose.

Too many choices.

Indecision.

Confusion.

Paralyzed at times.

What has always worked before isn’t working for us this year. I have had to make changes. And I really like the comfort of the “same-old, same-old”, so it is sort of hard.

I have four school or pre-school aged children at home this year -- from a highly intelligent and stereotypical Boy With A Curl In The Middle Of His Forehead who needs alot from ME, to a high-school young man who learns differently than his brothers before him, with two in between who cross over each other in some subjects, but have different learning styles and needs.

I finally realized that I needed to let go of a curriculum we really, really like, at least for awhile, and simplify. It was a huge blessing when my kids were closer in levels, and I could do it with multiple ages and levels at once. But things are different now and I need to be flexible. I am still sort of saying “boo-hoo”, but it is getting easier as I see how much sense all of the new things are making.

I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel, finally embracing the hints I’ve been seeing for months now. And I think I am going to rejoice at the “in with the new” as soon as it is all in place and running smoothly. Because it will fit. It will align with what I see as a desired end result, and peace will reign. In my heart anyway – probably not in this house full of jokesters and gymnasts doing parkour!

Back to the Basics:

“Every day, every hour, the parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than upon anything else, future character and conduct depend.”

~ Charlotte Mason

I look forward to the next couple weeks of establishing

and settling into our new routine!

Menu Plan Monday, August 30-Sept.5, 2010

My daughter has been showing an interest in antiques and vintage items for the past couple years. She sometimes goes “antiquing” or “garage sale-ing” with me, and has even ventured to the huge antique expo with me a couple of times. So I was pretty excited when, at the Goodwill a couple weeks ago, I found an old recipe card club file box from 1971with a complete set of recipes, including a section entitled “Recipes Children Can Make”.

Making sure that my daughter knows how to run a household is very important to me. She needs to know how to care for others, take care of babies, clean, do laundry and etc. for sure, but I really, really want to make sure she understands how to cook, develops an instinct, and has confidence with it. She is 9 years old now and knows some basics, but I am excited to take her through some more formal training.

So, starting once our family schedule settles down a bit (when we are done with traveling and camping trips), we, along with my 11 year old son at least some of the time (yep, boys need to know too!), are going to start some purposeful cooking lessons, using this vintage Betty Crocker Recipe Card Library.

Some of the recipes are not as wholesome as I prefer to serve my family regularly, but they are recipes that she will be able to do by herself, and can give her a good foundation for confidence building.

She and I are both pretty excited about getting started. I’ll be using the recipes in my MPM posts and linking to the blog where we will have posted about making it (I will also be teaching her some computer skills during the process) so you will all get to see how it is going.

With that in mind, I have also planned to use several recipes this week which the kids can make with me, just to whet our whistles. Amidst all of the projects, I am trying to spend time with the kids and involve them as much as possible in whatever I am doing. I am trying to make the most of every summer minute we have left. I hope you are doing the same!

Have a great week!

Menu Plan Monday

I have found so many new recipe ideas through people who have posted their menus and links to recipes on Menu Plan Monday. I don’t have time to look at every link, but I do look through at least several almost every week. I make a note of recipes I’d like to try on my private blog space, where I hyperlink recipes, and make a note of which blog I found the link on so I can give credit if/when I actually use it in my Menu Plan. I love MPM:)

Monday: Apple and Chicken Sandwiches with this recipe which OrgJunkie shared on MPM as inspiration.

Tuesday: Easy, Creamy Mexican Skillet which was referred by Vanderbilt Wife via MPM

Wednesday: BBQ Sloppy Chicken Pan Pizza also referred via MPM

Thursday: Pepperoni Bread also found via MPM, when I followed additional links

Friday: Indian Flair Potato Pancakes

Saturday: Leftovers

Sunday: Burger Thing

In addition to menu plans for dinner, I am hoping to try Migas as something new for breakfast.

Be Like A Whale

(Picture from Chad Gerans Rhyming Book)

This is Day-In-The-Life week over at Heart of the Matter, as part of their Not Back to School Blog Hop. However, we really are not back to school. Even at home. We are still harvesting those last days of summer. Here in Oregon, even the kids who do go back to school are not yet back to school.So, for now, I’ll just share something basic about the way we plan our days.

When we are in school, we “do school” from about 8am-1pm. We don’t break for lunch until we’re pretty much done. Because, for this family, it’s just too hard to get back to it after that. I make a plan of what needs to be accomplished and we work our way through it, rather than trying to plan a certain amount of time for each thing. Stringent scheduling just doesn’t work for this creative-yet-goal-oriented mom of a “large” family.

I look forward to reading other posts I find at Heart Of The Matter this week. And I’ll share more specifics about our schedule some other time, when we are done enjoying summer.

Oh, and, by way of a little bit older more seasoned friend smiling and lovingly patting you on the back and telling you “You can do it!”, please let me offer these couple of words of advice as you troll along through some super fun posts by other moms (and maybe some dads and kids too).

~ What works for someone else might not work for you. What works for you might not work for someone else. Like I always say, “be like a whale” – read and listen to the plans, input, and advice of others, drink it all in. Then spit out everything that is non-nutritious and only keep the good stuff, the things which will fortify you and your family. Don’t use it to compare yourself or to feel overwhelmed by all that you are not doing. (Here at But I Had A Tiara, we are not allowed to compare, etc. see sidebar!)

~ Make a plan. Because I love being flexible and you can’t be flexible without a plan.

I hope you enjoy looking at the schedules of other Not back To Schoolers, and get lots of wonderful inspiration!

See What Happens When I Lighten Up A Little?

As usual, during this camping trip, Mr. Congeniality has been nagging frequently asking if he can go fishing. Being that no one else seems to be the least bit interested in fishing on this trip for some reason, and he is a big 11 year old now (self talk = “come on mom, it’s time to make yourself lighten up a little”. After all, I am trying not to be too much of a Helicopter Mom), I finally allowed him to walk the 5 minutes from our campsite to the dock (with rails).

In broad daylight.

In a populous campground.

With a cell phone. With my number queued up and ready to ring at the push of a button.

I'd call randomly and he'd be checking in every 15 minutes.

And if that phone does not ring, every 15 minutes on.the.dot? Why then, mama’s coming with ‘er pistol.

Plus, we agreed upon a secret code word for “a weird looking person is here on the dock and you should come now”.

I told him I would walk over in about a half hour, as soon as I was done getting dinner for the others.

I even texted his dad to make sure he felt okay about it.

Did I mention that the dock has rails?

So, we finish dinner and Mimmers and I start walking over.

As we break through the trees and can see across the park, imagine my horror when I saw this:

About TWELVE firefighters. But they were down by the water. Near the dock. Where I so frivolously allowed my little eleven year old to go. By himself, with only a cell phone.

The words “dragging the lake” were already in my head.

My heart was in my throat just long enough for me to call the cell phone.

“Helloo? Ya, it’s going fine. Okay. Bye.”

No mention of slipping. Or being wet. Or cold. Or a firefighter having to fish him out of the water.

Breathe mama.

Stupid fishing.

Real Men

As a mother to 5 (five) boys, I am concerned with the feminization of young men. I'm not tackling any controversial conversation about homosexuality here, I am talking purely about raising our boys to be strong men and leaders in their families.

I am still pro chivalry.
I think it is appropriate for men to open doors for women.
I think the mantra "women and children first" is worth perpetuating.
I think there are alot of women out there who appreciate a man who is a MAN.
I don't view men who snivel and whine and make excuses for themselves as Real Men.

I'm not saying a man should never get a pedicure, or should never weep. I am certainly not saying they should not do dishes or housework. Many manly young men are artistic. They'd rather paint than play football. Or play music rather than work on their big ole truck.

Boys need to learn to do a man's work. They need to learn to chop wood and haul debris. They need to learn to accept responsibility for their actions. They need to learn how to be leaders. They need to learn how to be strong and steady for the women in their lives. They need to be dependable. And, YES. They need to change diapers and walk a colicky baby to sleep for hours in the middle of the night so their beloved can sleep a little.

Isn't CHARACTER the measure of a man? So we need to make sure we teach our boys to do hard things, things that challenge and stretch them -- things that build character. We need to comfort and cuddle them when they are little and be there for them as they grow. But we also have to let them suffer some hard knocks. We need to encourage and foster relationships with their fathers. And we need to realize that we will have to cut the apron strings, whether it is sending them outside to make bows and arrows out of sticks and branches and build forts, or to go fishing on a boat with their buddies (when they are old enough) while you worry all day that they will capsize. Maybe they will be turned down for a date by a girl they like, or not be accepted by a group of friends they'd like to be part of. We have to let them go through hard times, make mistakes, and accept the responsibility for them.

We need to PRAY!

I heard this song awhile back and it made me chuckle...(you'll have to turn off the tunes on my sidebar to listen to this)



When you see a deer you see Bambi
and I see antlers up on the wall.

When you see a lake you think picnics
and I see a large mouth up under that log.

You're probably thinkin' that you're gonna change me.
In some ways, well, maybe you might.
Scrub me down, dress me up, oh but no matter what
remember I'm still a guy.

When you see a priceless French painting
I see a drunk naked girl.
You think that riding a wild bull sounds crazy
and I'd like to give it a whirl.

Well, love makes a man do some things he ain't proud of
and in weak moment I might --
walk your sissy dog,
hold your purse at the mall --
but remember I'm still a guy.

I'll pour out my heart, hold your hand in the car,
write a love song that makes you cry.
Then turn right around knock some
jerk to the ground
'cuz he copped a feel as you walk by.

I can hear you now talkin' to your friends sayin',
"Yeah girls he's come a long way
from draggin' his knuckles and carryin' a club
and buildin' a fire in a cave."

But when you say a back rub means only a back rub
then you swat my hand when I try.
Well now what can I say - at the end of the day,"Honey, I'm still a guy."

And I'll pour out my heart, hold your hand in the car,
write a love song that makes you cry.
Then turn right around knock some jerk to the ground
'cuz he copped a feel as you walk by.

These days there's dudes gettin' facials,
manicured, waxed and botoxed.
With deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands
you can't grip a tackle box.

Yeah, with all of these men linin' up to get neutered
it's hip now to be feminized.
I don't highlight my hair,
I've still got a pair.
Yeah, honey I'm still a guy.

Oh my eyebrows ain't plucked there's a gun in my truck. Oh thank god, I'm still a guy.

Surmisionist History

Today I went with my Older and Wiser Sister with four of my children to O.M.S.I. For you who are not local, that is the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry.

We went to a planetarium show called Cosmic Collisions.

Robert Redford's classic voice narrated our show.

The pretty lights on a dark background, the dimensional planets and stars, and the movements that made my two year old turn around and snuggle close when he thought the planets were really coming at us were all mesmerizing.

Some of the ideas they presented were fascinating -- such as a spaceship possibly using gravity to slowly steer huge and devastating meteors away from earth.

I am assuming neither Mr. Redford, nor the writers, directors or producers of the the production were there when the Milky Way or the moon were formed. I mean, Mr. Redford is getting a teeny bit older. But not THAT old. Not as old as dirt. Or space dust.

There were no witnesses. No written word. No verbal word. No stories passed from one generation to the next.

Therefore, making "this is what happened" statements, and presenting theory as fact, is misleading my children.

Way to get my dander up.

(You've probably heard of "revisionist history"? That means someone has revised history, changed it from one form to another. But when history is told with no knowledge of what happened, when they just surmise about what happened, does that means it is surmisionist history? )

Several times they even alluded to knowing how long something took to happen or to form -- "it is hard to believe but the moon was formed in just one month". Something else took a week, something else six months. And they seemed to have figured out just how long it will be before the Milky Way collides with the galaxy Andromeda too. They have clearly figured out what happened to the earth that caused the demise of Dino. And they spelled it out in gorgeous animation that made it look real.

To quote a much loved and missed character "Danjuh, danjuh, danjuh".

I'm so grateful I was with my kids so we can discuss the difference between fact and theory. Who knows how inaccuracies, however they are conveyed, can have a lifelong affect on our lambs?

Be wary mom and dad. Talk about everything.
Discuss.
Debate.
Do Not Assume.
Demand truth be told to these trusting little ones in your care.

"...be ye therefore wise as serpents..." (Matthew 10:16)

Purposeful Parenting: The Great Debate

How many times have you read, overheard, or engaged in a conversation about different methods of child-training, including spanking, and whether they are right or wrong? As much as we desire to raise children who want to do what is right, discipline no longer comes naturally. There is just too much debate about each method of discipline. We have conflicting opinions on every side, each giver explaining themselves in a way that seems right. And we so dearly want to do what is right with our children. Alot of things make sense at the time, but when we hear another - and conflicting- opinion, we again become confused. We become The Flip-Flopper Parent (and we thought that was up to the politicians!).

While I do not wish to engage in any debate about which way is right, I do know a few things we have to do to successfully raise our children:

1) Study what the Bible says about raising kids.

2) Be Purposeful in following what it teaches you. We can't just kind of "go with the flow" in raising our kids, taking each situation as it comes, and expect that we will be successful.We must know what our purpose is in having kids, and what end result we want. Then we must purpose to work toward that goal with a plan.

3) We must discuss these together with our spouse so we know we are on the same page. United in purpose and in method, we must immediately implement what we discuss.

I have been perplexed at this, what seems to be The Great Divide between people of the same faith, when it comes to raising up the next generation. As Christians, is this not THE MOST IMPORTANT issue of our generation, raising up the next generation to honor and serve God?

In my ponderings, study and discussion with many, many people, I have come to realize that often it is either semantics or tradition that separate us. In another post, to come soon, I will write what I feel is one of the greatest reasons why we are divided in "Purposeful Parenting: Spanking, American Style".

Wordless Wednesday: What Happens When You Blink

~ Before Blink ~


~ After Blink ~

I barely made it on Wednesday!
If you want to view other WW photos, go here.