Boys, Literally. Part One "Rise and Shine"

We have five boys. One.Two..Three...Four....Five.....that's alotta boys. I know, I know. There are those of you with twenty-four kids, twenty-three of which are boys. But still. Five is alot of boys.

And I am learning that boys are literal. This means that, whether it really is what you mean and if they know full well what you mean, they are gonna do and respond to exactly what you say -- even if that is not really what you are saying.

Last year my hubby was in Europe for work and I was holding down the fort here at home.I had been noticing that, by the time chores were done and school began (we homeschool around here), it was getting later than I'd like. So we had several conversations about getting up earlier, discussing what time is reasonable,how they'd wake up and if some needed to use the new alarm clocks they received for Christmas, or if they should just use the cell phone etc.

Please do view the video below to see the brilliance of the alarm clock! Such a loving and thoughtful gift.




Then, one day, this conversation:

Mom (that's me): "Remember you guys, everyone needs to get up earlier tomorrow. I want you all up by, (I don't remember what time I said so I'll just pick the number) 7:00, okay?"

Some Boys: "Unintelligible then gasp, deep sigh, rolling eyes, defeated posture, "Okay, I Guess" "Okay, no problem. I will be up bright and early and look forward to facing a new and sunny day with you Beautiful Mother."

Other boys and One Girl (not really smiling, but open and trying to have good attitudes): "Yes Mom."

Next morning everyone was up earlier. Not necessarily exactly at the specified time, but close. And, of course, I just KNOW the first day is hardest and the next day everyone is going to be punctual. So I don't nag or make a big deal of it. We just go about our day.

Next morning Mimmy (that's one of my names for The Girl) is up at 7. And a couple boys. Baby doesn't count. I want him to sleep in a little.

Two are strangely missing.

Knowing they must be sick unto death to not show up, I go down and wake them up. They are as healthy as can be. I patiently, no, tersely, aw... who cares how I said it? tell them to come up right away. They make a bleary-eyed entrance a few minutes later, sweat pants crooked, hands smoothing down Big Bird hair as they stumble along.

Mom (me again): "Boys, why didn't you get up at 7?"

Boys in unison:"I didn't know we were supposed to be up at 7."

Mom: "What are you talking about? I told you the other day we were going to start getting up earlier."

Boy In Question One: " No, you didn't".

Mom: "WHAT????!!!"

Boy In Question Two:" You just said we needed to be up earlier the next day. We didn't know you wanted us up early again today."

Mom:"Unintelligible then gasp, deep sigh, rolling eyes, defeated posture,"You little poops. Obviously, we have been talking about this all week and obviously you weren't listening or you'd have obviously understood what I said and known I obviously meant just starting that day and continuing on. Duh. Obviously!" "Oh, okay boys. I understand now (pat on head, smile). What I really meant was to start getting up earlier that day and to continue from then on, getting up by 7 each new and glorious day with the possible exception of weekends -- but I will communicate that to you more clearly, and explain in a way you'll understand better next time. I'm sorry for not being very clear."

We've got to S-P-E-L-L it out Moms.

But, wait. I am confused. "They" say males only hear a certain percentage of what we say. So we are supposed to be succinct and not too wordy.

Don't explain enough= not understood. Explain too much= Tuned Out.

Hmmm, I think I am starting to see a plot here.

Literally.